Song Lyrics that Bother Me

Well, I'm just about out of things to say about my receptionist job. It's been an enlightening five weeks, and I'm sure I'll miss the relative peace and quiet of the desk, although it will be nice to get up and stretch my legs once in a while without feeling like someone will be locked out of the building because I'm not there to let them in.

Let's change the subject. Since the list format seems to be working well, here's a list of some of song lyrics that bother me.

• "We found love in a hopeless place./We found love in a hopeless place." - Rihanna and Calvin Harris, We Found Love

Where, exactly, was this hopeless place? A Greyhound Station? The Dollar Store? North Korea?

• "It's five o'clock somewhere." - Jimmy Buffett, Alan Jackson, It's Five O'Clock Somewhere

I know I'm splitting hairs here, but this is just factually inaccurate. If it's the beginning of the hour, then yes, I'm sure it's five o'clock somewhere, but if it's say, 2:37, then it's 5:00 nowhere. It's 5:37 somewhere, but that's not the same thing. The lyrics should be: "It's five o'clock or later somewhere," which I grant you, doesn't roll off the tongue quite as easily.

• "If I lay here/If I just lay here/Would you lie with me and just forget the world?" - Snow Patrol, Chasing Cars

There are many reasons to dislike this corny song, but chief among them is its shitty grammar. As every English teacher knows, it should be "If I lie here" or "If I lay my head here" or something. And honestly, this is one case where the grammatically correct line (the first one, anyway) would take nothing away from the song. Honestly, it seems like these guys are just being willfully ungrammatical.

• "Been around the world/Don't speak their language./But your booty don't need explaining." - Jason Derulo, Talk Dirty

I don't think I need to explain why this is a silly line. For some reason, the words "booty" and "explaining" in the same line just remind me of this scene from Ace Ventura.

• "Lightning crashes, a new mother cries./Her placenta falls to the floor." - Live, Lightning Crashes

I actually still love this song, but this is just not an accurate depiction of childbirth. In what world does the placenta just fall to the floor? Also, why would you include the word "placenta" in a rock song? When I was fourteen, this line led to an awkward conversation that I inadvertently initiated by asking my mom what a placenta was. Thanks a lot, Live.

UPDATE: My wife informs me that during childbirth, a placenta will often fall to the floor, unless there is a basin there to catch it. So it's not inaccurate, but it's still kind of a gross line.

Obviously, this is not a comprehensive list. I could easily have included Rebecca Black or Nikki Minaj or something, but that just seems like low-hanging fruit.